CharlieKenny.me

people * stories * engagement

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I love the coast and in particular, the area in which I live, the North East of England. It’s an uncomplicated life, for the past twelve years I’ve been away from the ‘big smoke’ … and the decision to relocate my business to the North has been the best move of my career. So far. I am a writer and have a lifetime of experience in publishing and personal development. I now consider myself a specialist in helping my clients with memoirs – that could entail a biography, or simply bringing diary pages to life. I tend not to advertise my business, word of mouth has always been kind so it’s no surprise that I do spend a couple of days per week networking. Peer collaboration can be very rewarding. Therefore, if you’d like to join me fortnightly for Wednesday ZOOM or either Tuesday or Thursday for (in-person) morning coffee, please get in touch. I’d love to meet you and perhaps help in any way possible. Thank you for stopping by the website. engage, develop, grow … with Go! charliekenny@live.co.uk
  • Dip your toe …

    Dip your toe …

    I clutched my bag of groceries as I clambered out of the car, just in time to meet the postie fast approaching, her own hands full of paperwork.
    I could tell she looked a little ‘troubled.”

    Before I could greet her I was handed the mail and asked … ‘Do you know the people around the corner, ‘West side?’ I’ve been over and the alarm is sounding, front door open, but no one answered. I’m sure I could smell smoke as well?’

    With that, our postie was away … adding … ‘I haven’t seen anyone else, you might want to check everything is ok?’

    ‘Do I need this?’ I thought to myself as I left my handful of items in the car and proceeded to see what the commotion was all about.

    Approaching the cottage I could see the front door indeed ajar. House keys were hanging from the front door lock and I couldn’t help but notice smoke! Then there was the incessant wail of the interior smoke alarm.

    Stepping through the door I hollered: ‘Margaret!, Pat!  Are you ok? It’s Charlie …’

    Above the pitch of the alarm I heard a woman’s voice … ‘Alarm above the door, food burning, I’m in the bathroom!’

    ‘OK, let’s do this,’ I uttered. Silencing the chimes, now to the kitchen … oven off … extractor on, next, where’s the bathroom??

    ‘Margaret, are you ok? I called, hesitating.

    ‘Sorry Charlie, l can’t move and need help …’

    Upon entering the bathroom my eyes first caught sight of a naked woman – sitting in a stand-alone bathtub (one of those with a high back) … with nothing more than a face towel in place to spare her modesty,

    ‘Charlie, I’ve stuck my toe in the cold water tap and can’t get it out!’

    It seems husband Pat was out with golfing buddies and Margaret was taking her book to the bath for a quick read before dinner …

    My face must have told a story … I stood struck dumb before blurting out …

    ‘So, where’s the vaseline!?’

    ‘Margaret simply howled with laughter … ‘throw me that towel, the grease is in the cupboard above the sink.’

    It was a few minutes of wriggling, pushing and pulling. Margaret explained … Enjoying her read, she was disturbed by the dripping tap and so decided to insert her second toe in an attempt to stop the drip and … toe became stuck, fast! Now, locked in the upright seated position of the old-style tub she couldn’t lever her leg (or bend) to help herself. Knees high and toe stuck fast … if only there was a photograph!

    Eventually, with help from ‘vaso’ we freed the embedded second toe, sparing further blushes from my ‘bathtub patient’ as I swiftly made my way, avoiding further explanation toward the grocery left in my car … 

    Margaret and I now have a secret … I’ve promised not to mention the situation to anyone, the ‘toe moment’ is going to be shared only between ourselves … because no one would believe it!

    Trust is a wonderful thing, dip your toe, earn some trust and discover where it may lead you.

  • Speak the lingo?

    Speak the lingo?

    I hadn’t seen Hans for 15 years until our Boxing Day rendezvous on his way to visit his sister in Holland. 

    Since that first meeting, Hans had finally wed his long-term girlfriend, Susan – along with the full blessing of her father!

    ‘So how did you manage to finally get Susan to the alter, Hans?’

    ‘Did I tell you the story of why it never happened sooner, Charlie?

    Hans continued …

    “Susan and I met in Chicago back in ’96 – and we wanted to ‘get hitched’ then, although her father wouldn’t allow it. It seems I (being a pastrycook) wasn’t ideal son-in-law material for the head of one of the city’s leading law firms. He was hoping his daughter, a lawyer herself, might marry ‘into the firm,’ so to speak …

    We had a cool period for a couple of years until he began talking to me once again. It didn’t ‘worry me’ – it never bothered Susan at all either, we thought the silly ole guy would see sense. Then he asked me …’

    “Hans, why don’t you let me introduce you to someone from my fraternity? Are you free for lunch next Wednesday, able to take a little time away from the bakery?” 

    How could I refuse?

    The Wednesday lunch date arrived as I was introduced to a fellow whose firm manufactured stainless steel cookware. His business was well-established with some well-healed clients. He thought the time was right to expand on the back of a strong reputation. ‘Why don’t you come and work for me, Hans? By the way, how many languages did you say you speak?’

    Hans is fluent in four languages, having grown up in Holland and travelling through different parts of the world. He and I first met in Sydney, Australia.

    I remember I was somewhat taken aback, Charlie. The guy was serious and he had big plans for the future. More importantly, the plan also had the endorsement from Susan’s father.

    So you took a job? What kind of job are we talking about?

    Charlie, the firm needed someone who knew about cookware. Someone who could introduce it to new (international) markets. I took the job, Charlie, international sales, the terms were too good to refuse. 

    I thought you’d gone quiet on us Hans, now I know why …

    Do you want to know the best of it, Charlie?  My first customer is MacDonald’s. Not bad eh? First providing restaurants throughout Europe, then soon after Europe and the USA the company was asked to provide stainless cookware to MacDonalds … globally!

    Susan? I asked.

    She’s very happy! We married several years ago – with the blessing of her family – and of course proud daddy!

    It’s that old catchphrase you keep bandying around Charlie, the one about networking and taking the opportunity. ‘People buy from people?’

    Exactly Hans, or in your case, more like the language we speak. Congratulations!

  • If you must be alone …

    RACHEL CARSON: EMBRACE THE LONELINESS OF CREATIVE WORK

    “Works of art are of an infinite loneliness,” Rilke wrote in reflecting on the lonely patience of creative work — patience needed not only in art but in every realm of creativity, including science, and perhaps nowhere more so than at the uncommon intersection of the two.

    In her unexampled union of art and science, the marine biologist and poetic nature-writer Rachel Carson (May 27, 1907–April 14, 1964) neither romanticized nor rued the essential loneliness of creative absorption. Instead, she addressed it with the plain poetics of her lived experience. 

    Even after her lyrical writing about the science of the sea won her the nation’s highest honor of literary art and her 1962 book Silent Spring catalyzed the environmental movement, making her the era’s most revered science writer, Carson continued making time to respond to letters from readers. In this superhuman feat — one downright impossible in our age of email, when millions of readers can reach a single writer’s inbox with the unmediated tap of a virtual button — Carson hauled trunkfuls of letters home, prioritizing those from students and young women asking her advice on writing. Responding to one of them, she offered:

    Writing is a lonely occupation at best. Of course there are stimulating and even happy associations with friends and colleagues, but during the actual work of creation the writer cuts himself off from all others and confronts his subject alone. He* moves into a realm where he has never been before — perhaps where no one has ever been. It is a lonely place, even a little frightening.

    In another letter, writing to a young woman in whom Carson saw her younger self, she deepens and broadens the sentiment:

    You are wise enough to understand that being “a little lonely” is not a bad thing. A writer’s occupation is one of the loneliest in the world, even if the loneliness is only an inner solitude and isolation, for that he must have at times if he is to be truly creative. And so I believe only the person who knows and is not afraid of loneliness should aspire to be a writer. But there are also rewards that are rich and peculiarly satisfying.

    With thanks to Maria Popova (The Marginalian)
    https://www.themarginalian.org/?mc_cid=630fec02d1&mc_eid=73733b688f
  • We cannot build on maybe

    We cannot build on maybe

    I’ve spent the majority of 25 years engaging clients and prospects. 

    Engage, develop trust, grow, right?

    More recently, hosting a regular business network, this importance on relationships has allowed me to understand the needs of a broad-based group of professionals … from a wide variety of industries. Many are well-established, some full of promise starting ‘the journey.’ 

    I’ve worked with entrepreneurs with plenty of cash and employees looking for the next commission or order …

    ‘How do I grow my business, Charlie?’ 

    ‘Meet the people, go networking,’ is my usual response.

    Not everyone shares a fondness for networking. Some have an established referral line already in place. Others aren’t looking for new business. Most of us are though, looking for the opportunity to connect. 

    What turns away most new networkers? The ‘hungry’ member-driven groups often bring the most criticism. The calibre of people these seem to attract can be questionable. Dubious sentiments? Could be …

    We all have our opinions. Variety is important to me.

    Happiness is important, I’m always asking … ‘What would make you happy?’

    I’m not talking about the hard sell either, ‘hit or miss’ is not my bag. Close relationships are essential if we’re looking to grow, it’s the same in business. If everyone took a little time to discover where ‘the pain may be,’ and shared a conversation, thereby understanding each other a little better … wouldn’t that be useful?

    Knowing your prospects and customers well, sharing their visions, understanding specific tastes and of course where the humour lies … we tend to develop more meaningful conversations. We learn so much more …

    We benefit. As the business grows so does our reputation.

    By knowing each other we can ask the questions that matter. Through regular networking we’ve done the groundwork, and understand the reason why, when asking for support there’s no in-between … it’s either yes or no.

    We cannot plan, build a business on the maybe.

    Unless we know and understand where we can help.

    ‘People buy from people they know and trust.’

  • Pick up the pencil

    Pick up the pencil

    Hi Everyone, I know, you’ve likely heard me say, many times that business is seasonal, right?

    That’s because I believe it’s true… here’s why:

    It’s the expectation of what’s coming that keeps the business owner ‘on the toes,’ if we’re able to ‘see what’s coming,’ we’re able to act … it’s called ‘biz ability.’

    Sometimes though, we take our eye off the business compass and what’s right. We’re distracted by current/popular trends … (just so much to digest just now.)

    Targets we haven’t met … (oops, I’ve failed – again!)

    Success coming to others … (when is ‘my turn’ for success?)

    You know what?  You are not alone. 

    Taking the eye off the ball, whether through distraction, fatigue … or both, happens to every one of us. Especially this season, this ‘distracted’ time of year.

    Here’s what has helped me:

    Name the problem.

    Identify the dilemma affecting you now. Is it something you can work around? If not, shift the block by doing what you must do to move ahead. Yes, I know, sometimes that’s a tough decision to make … but … sometimes us in business need to make tough decisions, and … what if it works?

    Next, pick up a pencil. (Usually found in your top drawer!) Write down your situation/the position you find yourself in now.  Clarity ensues.

    Spell it out, break it down, where is the hurt? Is it bad?? Does it impact you that much??? Is the situation something that will change in the next hour, perhaps a day, maybe next week?

    No pencil? Google it if you want (more confusio!) Yes, do it you haven’t got a pencil in the drawer (shame! 🙂 

    By identifying the current problem (because it’s a seasonal symptom, right?) you’ve decided to act upon it. That’s progress in itself!

    Ask yourself … are the symptoms of this current problem recurring? If so, what lesson from the past have you missed? 

    So, write it down, (yes, pencil is best!) Write it down and put that note in your wallet. A note … not an essay … as we all know the biggest problems we have are not that big!? So, one copy in your purse or wallet. A copy on a clear part of the wall, or even in the pocket of that seasonal suit you are surely bound to be wearing once more!

    Because, this year it’s going to be different!

    We haven’t finished yet … there are going to be steps you need to take to prevent the recurrence of seasonal regret. You’ll need to use your new superpowers in preparation for the following season … and the next, and the next … and you know what?

    When someone asks: How are you doing? How was it for you? What’s the plan? Instead of an uncertain response, this time ask them to compare notes … because help is reciprocal. 

    We’re all facing very similar seasonal challenges to you, so inspire with a plan of your own this time … show purpose!

    Make a difference in the coming season, share your path to a win and have a conversation, and you’ll be that much closer to a solution …

    ‘business is personal.

  • Meet Victoria Hart

    I recently had the opportunity to talk with Victoria Hart, Conscious Creation Coach and asked her how she may be able to help anyone, like me, be a more compassionate, sharing business owner …

    “It’s not too late? Is it?” Here’s what Victoria had to say:

    It’s never too late to change, Charlie. I’d love to share some of the challenges many business leaders face and how I can help them work through them… 

    Of course, anyone can try to lead. However, being a great leader is a whole different matter. To be a true leader, you need a team that looks up to you for guidance, direction and support, and you need a business that relies on your expertise for success. Even more than that, you need to have the right self-image to navigate the complex waters that being a leader can take you through. 

    • Staying humble while remaining confident
    • Dealing with anxiety and stress without letting emotions overtake your decisions or demeanor
    • Keeping yourself and your team motivated to make a difference whilst avoiding burnout
    • Developing conscious leadership skills by tapping into your highest potential
    • Dealing with conflict with ease and grace
    • Clear and effective communication 

    When you work with me, you will begin to feel a sense of personal freedom as, in your own time, you disentangle from collective consciousness and release the many limiting beliefs you developed through unconscious childhood programming from unawakened parents, teachers, culture, society, religion and media. When you begin to crack these codes, you can start adjusting your actions and thought process to better influence, lead and inspire your team members and help you overcome the above challenges. And, live to your highest potential and purpose!

    Every business leader is going to face challenges. And while many factors can influence the types of obstacles you face, it’s a common truth that you’ll indeed face challenges of one sort or another. Below, I’ve listed some of the most common roadblocks that almost all business leaders have faced or will face at some point in their careers:

    You can learn how to better communicate your intentions, deal with conflict and keep everyone, including yourself, motivated. You’ll be able to identify and respond to moments of stress and anxiety, and you’ll be able to master the art of balancing confidence with humility.

    By accessing a higher intelligence, leaders will notice improved health, productivity and quality of life.

    My goal is to empower you to become a better leader and overcome your daily challenges. I help you learn where you may be operating on autopilot so that you can make conscious informed choices. I offer one-on-one conscious leadership coaching to help you reach your leadership goals more easily with long-term effectiveness. 

    Victoria Hart, Conscious Creation Coach is available for term assignments, although an initial conversation is always the best place to start: Tel: +44 (0)20 7871 3641 or visit the web, or reach out via email. victoria@theconsciouscreationcoach.com

    Home

  • Just Be.

    Be you.

    The Shadow Elephant: A Tender Illustrated Fable About What It Takes to Unblue Our Sorrows and Lighten the Load of Our Heaviest Emotions

    BY MARIA POPOVA

    The Shadow Elephant: A Tender Illustrated Fable About What It Takes to Unblue Our Sorrows and Lighten the Load of Our Heaviest Emotions

    The strange thing about life, the wondrous thing about life, is that it is impossible to dull one hue of our emotional experience without dulling the entire spectrum, impossible to feel deeply at one end of it without feeling as deeply at the other. And without the chromatic intensity of feeling life deeply and fully, why live at all? 

    This elemental truth is especially pronounced in a creative life — a life that requires of us what Virginia Woolf called, in her transcendent existential epiphany, the “shock-receiving capacity” that makes an artist an artist. And yet we go to extreme lengths to avoid receiving this shock of aliveness, to avoid fully feeling the portions of the spectrum we deem unhandsome or inconvenient, to dull our own sadnesses and divert others from theirs, then walk away when we fail. It is a human impulse, this urge to shoo the sadness away. It is also dehumanizing, for only when we let the blues rush in with their full intensity do we become fully alive and awake to the dazzling spectrum of feeling that makes life worth living. 

    That is what Canadian author Nadine Robert and Italian artist Valerio Vidaliexplore with great subtlety and tenderness in The Shadow Elephant (public library).

    The book opens with a lovely quote from The Little Prince, line-broken like a poem:

    And when you are comforted
    (we all eventually are)
    you will be happy to have known me.
    You will always be my friend.

    Then the story unfolds, introducing the melancholy protagonist — a great blue elephant, prostrated with a heavy feeling against a great gradient of blue.

    Some said the elephant was gloomy.
    Some said he was trying to hide his sadness.
    Some said he preferred the shadows.

    The other animals of the savannah — bright and cheerful and suncast — try to lift the elephant out of his gloom by telling him silly stories, dancing him silly dances, bringing him their favorite foods. 

    Not a smile. Not a sound.
    The elephant listened attentively,
    but remained in the shadows.

    And then, one day, a tiny mouse out of breath emerges from another scale of existence and asks simply whether she can sit beside the elephant and rest a little. This small ask — this nonjudgmental and unanxious presence with the elephant’s sadness — becomes the portal of his transformation. 

    The elephant is at first incredulous that the mouse isn’t there to distract him from his blues with some gimmick. But then she begins to tell him her own story — how she had gone out into the savannah to find her sister’s most precious possession, a golden key; how she had walked a whole day, only to become as lost as the key; how she is now terrified that she would find neither what she went looking for nor her way home.

    Something about the mouse’s plight, about the ease with which she shares her sorrow with him, unlatches something in the elephant. He begins to cry — big, silent tears. Then she begins to cry, by that exquisite natural bond of creaturely sympathy that binds us when we cease to feel separate and alone in our sorrow. 

    Slowly, “drained of his tears,” the elephant rises, large and light, and hoists the mouse onto his back, offering to give her a ride home. Gently, without unease or demand, she invites him to tell her his own story. 

    “I can try,” he exhales as they vanish together behind the horizon of aloneness. 

    The Shadow Elephant comes from my friends at the visionary Enchanted Lion Books, makers of uncommonly poetic and profound illustrated portals into the emotional universe — treasures like Cry, Heart, But Never Break, Big Wolf & Little Wolf, The Lion and the Bird, Bertolt, This Is a Poem That Heals Fish, and The Forest (also illustrated by Vidali). 

    Complement this particular treasure with The Heart and the Bottle — Oliver Jeffers’s tender illustrated fable of what we stand to lose when we deny our difficult emotions — then revisit a moving animated short film about depression and what it takes to recover the light of being.

    Illustrations courtesy of Enchanted Lion Books; photographs by Maria Popova

  • Some struggle

    Some struggle

    It was the end of our regular network breakfast and I was about to leave the room when Gail stopped me and asked:

    “Do you think you and I could have a one-to-one, Charlie?”

    “Always happy to chat,” came my reply as we headed for the nearest empty seats. “How can I help you?” I asked.

    Gail and I chatted for a few minutes, she has a new business franchise and it’s early days in networking. I could see she was finding her feet, although, something seemed to be bothering her.

    “It may sound odd Charlie, it’s that I don’t know how to ask for help.”

    She chuckled when I replied. “My parents always told me not to talk to strangers …

    “It’s not unusual to be reticent about asking for help. Some mistakenly feel it is a weakness and choose not to ask for professional opinions at all? Remember, not every established business started out with a strong reputation.

    The difference between a start-up and an established business? It’s a developed, thriving referral pipeline built up over time. Once the reputation is established, most new business comes through recommendation, word of mouth.”

    “If I were in your shoes, Gail …”

    She interrupted me.  “No, I get it now Charlie. I need to show my vulnerability as a new business?”

    “Yes, show them you are human, and most importantly, give the network the time to work …

    Demonstrate to colleagues what you can do with their help. Stick around after the meeting, and swap stories. Like today, share some time. Be with your referral partners regularly. Show them you value their support, by making yourself available and give ‘the room’ the chance to help you … Once people know you,  through the one-to-ones you’ll find you won’t need to ask for help.

    Some struggle in the early days of networking, Gail. It’s only natural to compare yourself to others, more established in business. Because that’s where most aspire to be.

    Success comes to those who understand that ‘business is personal.’ “

    #networking #meaningfulconnections #huntersfarmers

  • an extra pair of eyes

    an extra pair of eyes

    I like to work with people who know their business, don’t you?

    So, to develop a reputation as the go-to person, what’s your plan?

    Becoming successful doesn’t happen overnight. The new business can find the early days daunting, but if you ‘stick at it’ and prove to be reliable, you’ll soon find you become … referable.

    Most of us are somewhat aware that marketing is key. How do you tackle that, where do you start?

    Being biz-aware is a great place to start. Ensure you understand your positioning, do you have customers? Where are these based? Who may be your competitors?

    Visability (biz ability) is important and needs careful planning. Confidence will grow over time with a track record, prolific identity and affinity.

    So with confidence in your offer, your new business gains trust. With trust, you have an affinity. Customers are likely to become friends willing to recommend you via word-of-mouth.

    Knowing your season is another important factor when maintaining confidence. Do you have a year-round product or service? Is there a seasonal downturn?

    Many experience some form of ‘quiet periods. Even so, it’s important to continue flying the flag during a down turn. ‘Business ready’ for when your customers are buying once more.

    An up-to-date website, social media, and blog all bring opportunity. We’re all tempted to invest in tools and being savvy about what works can be tricky. Marketing can be costly, so take advice.

    So it’s also worth thinking of in-person networking to keep your business on track. If only because networking is great for peer engagement. Having an extra pair of eyes and ears working for your business is fantastic for confidence. Not to mention reputation.

    People buy from people.

  • The Bad Boy

    The Bad Boy

    An excerpt from the novel, “The Ruffian’ by:

    Kevin John Ragnarsson Wilson Lee Clarke

    ————————————————————————

    My Mother’s passing left me hollow. I felt now I had nothing. Everyone I ever loved had departed, left me. I was immersed in a sense of misery and self-pity. Feeling unloved, worthless …

    Years later, I still wonder what might have been if Sean hadn’t come into our lives. I know I shouldn’t look back, mother always used to say the next life was inevitable so we should look to enjoy the time we have now, without regret.

    I did listen to what mum said although being so self absorbed, the importance of what she meant at the time didn’t resonate, not until another old friend came back into my life …

    Mo and I had casually met up not long after I’d returned from Ireland, almost ‘bumping into each other’ in Wooler where she now owned the local antiques shop. We’d always exchange pleasantries and of course the chat was of common memories, ‘the days of old,’ together at school, it was curt conversation and nothing more. 

    Then one day … I must have been feeling particularly sorry for myself when Mo declared ‘You look like an empty shell! Whatever is the matter? 

    She was concerned, always sincere, she wondered about me, asking what was the certain something I’d lost? Even then I couldn’t bring myself to tell my story. After all, I still had the police watching, apparently with an ‘open file.’ Always a reminder to ‘keep my mouth shut.’

    Whenever I began to feel better I was reminded of my past. They continued to delve into all sorts of background history and I felt as if I was under ‘house arrest’ with no-one I could to talk to.

    The fact was, the happy go-lucky Michael that Mo once knew wasn’t around just now.

    During our conversations I would mention the loss of my mother, how this had affected me and that this had made me the way I was. This became my shield. In truth I had nothing I dare talk about with anyone, (let alone Mo) for the memory of Sean still haunted me and to even think … that Mo and I could possibly be close friends?? 

    “Pull yourself together Michael, you know your ma wouldn’t like to see you like this.”

    The thought of a relationship never seriously crossed my mind. When it did, it terrified me although deep down I knew if I was to progress my life, I had to trust again and move on at some point.

    Mo could see I had issues, call it women’s intuition. I have Mo to thank for many things and I think it was brave of her when, as we shared a smile outside her shop, she approach me with ‘a plan.’ 

    Little did I know the most important indebtedness I owed was to come …

    ‘Michael, I need a favour. Would you accompany me to Edinburgh?’

    ‘I have a cousin I haven’t seen for years and she’s quite poorly. I have a car, but I don’t drive, would you be able to take me? We’d be back for the weekend?’

    Surprising myself, I uttered a jumbled, confused reply … ‘Edinburgh? 

    OK, only if you let me buy the fish and chips … er, Dinner?

    ………..

    Two days later we were off, 60-odd miles to Edinburgh, chatting all the way as old friends do. There was much to catch up on although I was wary and understood that it would take some time before I’d be able to drop my guard. To have the courage and confidence in disclosing the full story of how I’d gained the confidence of an IRA captain? I wasn’t sure I could discuss it with anyone as it still frightened me.

    I need not have bothered, Mo was full of catch-up conversation, all chit-chat, nothing I needed to be specifically guarded about and by mid-afternoon we were checking in to the Edinburgh Balmoral Hotel. 

    ‘Mr and Mrs Collins please,’ Mo declared.

    We were given the key to the best suite the hotel had available. Anxiety now set in at the thought of sharing a room with Mo and so I was relieved to see that it was a twin suite. Smiling now, I handed the bell boy a good tip as Mo phoned down for snacks. 

    ‘What time would you like dinner?’ I asked.

    Unbeknownst to me, Mo had ordered Champagne and of course this was to set the tone. Mo and I were soon in each others’ arms … dinner can wait, she breathed into my ear. 

    That night was planned as a night on the town, drinks and a meal, just the two of us. Mo and I would see her cousin at elevenses tomorrow, so we had plenty of time to become better acquainted. 

    Edinburgh was ours for a few short days and I dared to imagine how it could continue. Was I ready? Was Mo ready (or deserving) to hear my story. No, not yet, I can’t spoil it now!?

    Next day we called in to see Mo’s family from her mother’s side. Her cousin was living with mum after a bout of surgery and she was so happy to see Mo. This was to be a welcome wake-up for me with a note to myself to ‘catch up on family!’

    Returning to the City, Mo was directing traffic, pointing the way as we walked, she said … “let’s go in there, they say they are best fish and chips served in Scotland. What do you think? The aroma coming down the street would make anyone hungry.”

    Now I recognised where we were. The pub we were heading toward was familiar during the days I was with Sean, almost five years ago. It was called the Queens Arms and, as I shuddered as I entered, it was if someone had walked over my grave. I felt faint and for a split second my whole body shivered. 

    Mo chose a table as I excused myself and made my way to the toilet. At the wash basin, I stood in front of the wall mirror, drying my hands and face with a paper towel. I swear it was the very same mirror in place when Sean and I were lovers. I was transfixed as I peered at my reflection in the mirror. Was that me? I swore out loud as Sean’s familiar, predatory face was gazing back at me. 

    I almost lunged at his ghostly vision, instead I spat … “You evil bastard!?” 

    All those years ago Sean was always suffering with an upset stomach, and I remembered laughing at Sean, saying “I hope your backside is sore and tender, sandpaper rubbed raw!” 

    During our time here long ago, Sean had come out of the cubicle, just as I saw now – standing behind me, wrapping his arms about me. He leaning over my shoulder to throw his tongue down my throat, delivering his customary sloppy wet kiss,!

    “Don’t you laugh at me with the runs, whatever I’ve got now – you’ll have it tomorrow!”

    It was too real, too much for me. I was unsettled and lashed out, gazing deeply into that same mirror and through his reflection, I uttered “Sean it was you, only you who made me feel truly sick, when I got rid of you, I was rid of my sickness! Now F**k off Irish bastard!” 

    I looked over my shoulder once more, just as a strangers voice asked:

    Are you Ok mate?

    © 2023 Kevin John Ragnarsson Wilson Lee Clarke